Questionnaire

pseudoramblings

(with Sam Holloway and Alison Kiddle)

Liner notes

I think this came from a Viz-style 'top tip' tweet I wrote that was something like 'ROCK BANDS: Save valuable time asking audiences whether they're ready to rock by having the fill out a rock-readiness questionnaire before the show.' It existed as lyrics only for a year or so, before I sat down with Alison and Sam to thrash out a tune after a Pseudorandom Ensemble rehearsal. This was our opening number at Warwick Arts Centre, and we produced a questionnaire for it

Curtains up and lights down, the band rolls on the stage
They take up their positions ready to engage
The front-man grabs the microphone and pauses to take stock
And asks the town of Warwick if it's ready to rock

And everyone around me throws their hands into the air
But me I need a checklist, a rock-ready questionnaire
A rock-ready questionnaire.

I'm not sure what you're asking or what you hope to find
I don't know rock-readiness is clear and well-defined
The more you get specific, the deeper you can dive
Ask how much do we agree on scales from one to five

Then you'll start to tease out who is properly prepared
By asking pointed questions on a rock-ready questionnaire
A rock-ready questionnaire.

I have some suggestions, though maybe you're not fussed
To make your rock conclusions more statistically robust
You might not want to publish, but certainly you'd see
More reliable results with better methodology

You're going to need hypotheses and some people who don't care
To make up the control group for your rock-ready questionnaire
Your rock-ready questionnaire.

Now the show is over and it's time to call it quits
Though somehow you've forgotten to play your greatest hits
You finally respond to all the stomping and encores
And goofily solicit if we'd like to hear some more

The redundance of the question drives me to despair
You should already know from your rock-ready questionnaire
Your rock-ready questionnaire
Rock-ready questionnaire, rock-ready questionnaire.