Can You Hear Me, Rishi Sunak?
Liner notes
Yeah yeah yeah, the gentleman doth protest too much about not being a protest singer. This is a short shelf-life song about the Spygate scandal engulfing second-tier English football at the moment: an analyst from Southampton ('the Saints') was caught spying on opponents Middlesbrough's training session shortly before their playoff match, which led to Southampton's victory being overturned and Middlesbrough reinstated. Now there are so many clubs with legal teams involved that I need a wallchart just to keep track.I grew up with football dreams of back-page headline fame
'Til I was taken to one side before a vital game
He said "we have to let you go -- Le Tissier you ain't"
So I pursued a new career of spying for the Saints
We knew it was against the rules, they've punished teams before
But the chance of some advantage was too tempting to ignore
"Act in the utmost good faith," we found it sort of quaint
And nothing that would stop a man from spying for the Saints
My excuse for watching training, where I wasn't hard to catch
Was: it's tedious enough watching Boro play a match
"I'd rather watch the touchline, and observe the drying paint"
For all that, they still seemed to think I was spying for the Saints
We tried to say they imagined it, a case of paranoia
Sadly they weren't buying it, and referred me to their lawyer
They had me bang to rights, you know, they made a fair complaint
I'm going to need a new career, not spying for the Saints
The harshness of the punishment left all of Southampton shocked
Booted from the playoffs, four future league points docked
It always pays to heed the rules and follow their constraints
There's such a heavy price to pay for spying for the Saints