Tangled Up In Bob

*This song has gone through so many iterations over the years. I've thrown in some topical intro verses at the end. It was inspired by a real event -- I bought a spare copy of Blonde on Blonde in HMV in Dublin and friend Will called me out on it. I mean, what if something happened to the first one? Early one morning, the sun was shining, I walked into HMV
Wondering if they had anything I needed on CD
I walked up to the Dylan section, couldn't believe my eyes
Blood on the Tracks and Blonde on Blonde, both 6.95
Immediately I snapped them up, the friend with me said "But-
"Colin, you already own them both", I said "Shut
"Your gob -- I'm tangled up in Bob."

My name is Colin and I'm [whatever age], I'm a Bob Dylan addict
If I go into a record store, it's pretty much automatic
Wander up to the mid-price shelf and find the tab marked D
Buy Freewheelin' and maybe Oh Mercy
This Dylan obsession has driven me into debt
If it carries on much longer, I'm going to have to get
A second job -- I'm tangled up in Bob.

I've read every word ever written about my idol
I own 28 Telegraphs and a Q commemorative title
So many of his CDs that it's tricky to keep track
I have a Saddam Hussein storage system, I keep them in Iraq *This joke is stolen. I love it.
Forty albums, eight box sets and a special edition CD
Bootlegged by a friend of mine who saw him at Glastonbury,
A man named Rob -- who got me tangled up in Bob.

Then one day I went into Fence, I was cool and I was chillin' *Fence was the record shop in St Andrews at the time -- one time I played this at jam night and the proprietors were in, they demanded I do the verse again.
Absolutely determined not to spend a penny on Dylan
I'd finally realised that things were getting out of hand
I turned down the Wilburys, the Wallflowers and the Band
I settled on Springsteen, I bought Born In The USA
And from my web of Dylan, I finally got away,
I got loose... But now I'm tangled up in Bruce.

Alternate versions

On the occasion of Dylan's Nobel Prize

Early one morning, the sun was shining, my jaw nearly hit the floor
Good old Bob's been given the Nobel Prize for Literature
I've heard some comments saying it should have gone to someone substantialler
But only from those philistines who've never read Tarantula
Poor old Murakami, always getting a rotten deal
And Ngũgĩ wa Thiong'o must be starting to feel
Like he's been robbed -- but I bet they're tangled up in Bob.

Someone mentioned The Jungle Book

Early one morning, the sun was shining, I had to take a look
At my local cinema, showing The Jungle Book
I've always loved the characters, always loved the story
Love the animation in all its Technicolor glory
My favourite's Kaa the python, 'cause Mr Kipling makes
[extended pause with raised eyebrows] exceedingly good snakes
But it's also true: I'm tangled up in Baloo.

On the occasion of his 80th birthday

Early one morning, the sun was shining, feeling all hale and hearty
Got my invitation to Bob's 80th birthday party
They're setting up a little stage so there's every chance we'll get
A supposedly impromptu intimate acoustic set
He'll intersperse our favourite songs with acerbic one-line banter
And for his second encore, he'll play It Must Be Santa
To annoy the mob -- who are tangled up in Bob.

During the Winter Olympics in 2008

Early one evening, the snow was falling, I turned on my TV
To watch the Winter Olympics from Whistler, BC,
You've got to admire the snowboarders and their great displays of skill
Strapping a plank onto their feet and hurdling downhill
I'll watch the aerials, the luge and the figure skating
Can't watch the curling if Dougie's *Dougie Donnelly had been BBC Scotland's main commentator for some years, but was cruelly ousted just before the Olympics. not commentating
On the state of play -- but I'm tangled up in bobsleigh.